Hello there


Monday, October 13, 2008

Tears drop on that heart locket.

How do you want me to trust you again?

I've always believed in absolute honesty, even if the truth hurts sometimes.
You know me, I've never lied to you despite the fact that sometimes, I really wish I could.
Saying I've never lied in my life, would be the biggest lie I ever told, but I know I've never lied to you before, that much, I'm sure of.
I expected you to tell me the truth, always.
Yet you've lied to me, time and time again.

I still chose to believe in your words, no matter how fake they may seem.
I know when you're lying, I'm not a 3 year old kid you can bluff.

I'm not dumb.

Yet every time you choose to lie, again and again.
Like a fool, I still chose to heed your words, but now I tell you, today's the last straw.

When you said you didn't smk today, I knew you were lying.
It wasn't the cigarette smoke I smelt on your hands, it was in your breath.
I asked you if you smked, you said you didn't, but instead, helped your friend hold the cigarette that's all.
I asked you at least 5 times, each and every time you insisted on your lies.
I tried to believe in them, even though I jolly well knew that you were lying.

And when I asked you the last question, you hesitated, saying you would tell me later.
Why later?
It's not as though I'm asking you a private question in front of a million others.
It was just me and you in my room, with the door closed.
So why couldn't you tell me there and then?
I asked a very simple question..

"Under what circumstances will you lie to me?"

I expected you to reply directly to my face, "I'll never lie."

You disappointed me, you didn't reply straight away, and when you finally did, it was to say that you'd lie to protect me.
I don't fucking need your protection, I want the goddamn truth.

I can protect myself very well, thank you very much.
I've been protecting my heart for the past 4 years haven't I?
Haven't done a bloody good job, but well enough.

I've considered lying back to you, since you haven't been honest with me, I should just return the favour.
But then, I don't want to go against the principle I've been trying hard to keep, that's to be honest.
A principle you have never been able to follow, apparently.
But I shall not, I'll not do "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."
I'd like to think I'm many levels higher and need not stoop to that level.

I'll continue being honest, but don't expect me to trust you anymore.
I don't want to continue being the fool I once was, I'll not believe every word you say, just 'cuz you said it.
Not anymore, trust is hard to gain.
And although I've convinced myself to trust you again for the first time, the second, third..
I see no point to continue since you don't appreciate all I've done.

You've disappointed me for the last time, and I've had it.

P/S: It's not about the fact that you smked, it's about the fact that you lied.

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