If you're not the one.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings but I know you are here with me now.
We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away but I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And know I can't be with you tonight you know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Oh my goodness, I can't express how much the Girls' Brigade(GB) sucks using mere words.
Today, I met Audrey to go to Christ Church Secondary for her Pioneer Brigadier Brooch(PBB) presentation.
PBB is the highest award a GB girl can expect to achieve and I'm proud my girlfriend managed to get it.
So I met her at her house and had Long John's for lunch and then we took 161 to Woodlands and changed to 901 to CCS.

Since both Zi En and Ming Ting couldn't make it, I sat at the 'guests' there all alone with my homework as my companions, that part wasn't so bad since I managed to do some Principle of Accounts(POA) homework.

The freakin' thing is that Oh My Goodness, GB sucks, big time.
Let me have the privilege to elaborate here.

Firstly, the PBB recipients are like fuck shit.
The girls receiving PBB are like supposed to be way great in their drills and leadership skills yadda yadda but what the fuck?
They fucking don't know how to receive prizes ok.
In front of like hundreds of girls and officers and even the GB President, Mrs Sally Chew la hor.
Still so fucking noob, and they can get PBB?!
Like that I think I be Warrant Officer(WS) already la.
FYI, WS is the highest rank a GB girl can get.

It's like what they're supposed to do is when their name is called, they're supposed to march til the front of the person who's supposed to pass the award to you, stop around 2 arms length away and salute.
Then take a step forward, do the GB handshake, receive your prize with both hands(left hand over right hand), take a step back, salute, turn to your right and march off.
Note that when marching off, supposed to swing right arm only cuz the award is in your left hand.

But these fucking girls don't even know whether to salute first or take a step forward first.
Then they fucking march off, swinging both hands.
Hello? I'm only a damn Lance Corporal(LC) --- Shut up, I know I'm in Sec 4 but only a fucking LC. Bite me la __ --- but even I know the standard procedure.
These girls are like Corporals and even Staff Sergeants ok.
Like 1-3 times higher ranked than me yet they're so noob.
I also can go take PBB like that la.
Damn.

Secondly, my company fucking promoted Sec 2s to Corporal and Sec 3s and Valerie to Sergeant.
I mean seriously, being a LC, I'm even lower ranked than the Sec 2s ok.
Fucking xia suay la.
The officers damn purposely ok, I know it.
Valerie is like the ex head of GB and she's only a Sergeant?
I mean hello? She should be a Staff already by now.

Look, I know this current batch of Sec 4s haven't done much as the leading batch.
But if it wasn't for Valerie, do you officers think that we'll even do anything at all for GB?
We fucking hate GB and we've made it pretty clear since we just stepped in for one month in Sec 1.
The only reason why we tolerated through this year was cuz Valerie was the head and as we were the ones who voted her into that position, we had to support her and not make her look bad.
And it's thanks to us that we managed to sustain a gold company award this year as well.
But like fuck, this is the thanks we got.

They promoted the juniors to ranks higher than us and make us xia suay only.
And look at Audrey and Cherilyn, they fucking went to PBB camp even though they could choose not to.
They wasted 4 days of their lives being in the camp with girls they don't know and will hardly be expected to meet for the rest of their lives just for the sake of increasing the chances for our company getting a gold next year.
It doesn't even affect them in any way cuz if our company gets gold next year, it won't be us who benefits.
It'll be the juniors.
Yet take a look, both Audrey and Cher didn't even get promoted at all.

They keep saying don't ask what GB can do for you but what you can do for GB.
Yet they did do something for GB and GB did nothing for them.
Fuck, what is with this world?

I got so damn pissed off with this and ended up spending the remaining time doing my POA homework and totally ignoring what was going on in front of me.
They don't give us the credits we deserve, why should I show them respect at all?

But whatever, so met Audrey at the end of the whole ceremony and we took 901 back to Woodlands and 161 to Hougang and went to Hougang Swimming Complex to swim.
By the time we got into the water, it was past 7 and the water was freezing.
We spent approximately 45 minutes in the water talking and shivering.
It was damn cold and in the end, we ran out of the pool, pulled the towels over our bodies and went to take a shower.
Damn cold ok.
Was kind of a wasted trip in terms of swimming but it wasn't a total waste cuz I got to catch with my girlfriend! :)
Been absolutely ages since I last went out with her and we really got to catch up with one another's lives.

So after swimming we bought some food from the shop there and sat there to do some work.
She did E Maths and I did my POA.
After around 9.30, we realized the place was closing.
We were still in the studying type of mood so we went to Montfort Mac to study.
FYI, I've mentioned this before but the only reason why that McDonald's is called "Montfort Mac" is cuz its near Montfort and since that's the most noticeable landmark, people just call it Montfort Mac.
It doesn't belong to Montfort or anything.

Sat there and studied all the way 'til 11.30 and then my father came to pick me up.
So productive sitting there and study despite the fact that there were damn many irritating people there who were so damn noisy that I felt like approaching them and show them The Finger.
But I didn't, damn.

One funny thing that happened today was when Audrey and I crossed the road and walked up the steps to the pathway directly in front of a string of shops that lead to the Mac, there came this bunch of teenage boys on bikes riding on the pathway near the road.
I was commenting to Audrey how those people may be Qing Hong and his friends cuz I know they used to ride on bikes during their lower secondary days when she turned to look at them and I apparently turned to face the front.

She went "Did you see them waving to us?"
I was like "No?"
But turned to face them.
True enough, most of them who saw me turned to face them waved to me.
So cute right!
I know I should be rolling my eyes and going "losers -.-" but I think they were really really cute to do that.
Regretted not waving back, after all it doesn't hurt to be friendly eh? 8)

HEEHEEHEE, all in all, today turned out pretty well I think :)
Except for one thing.. just one.

Why are you treating me like I'm extra baggage which you wish to throw away?
Why are you giving me the cold shoulder?
This has dragged on for long enough and there's only so much I can take.
Audrey asked me why did I have to like bring myself down a notch and put myself in a position lower than you.
I told her it's cuz this time it's my fault so I didn't mind doing so.
Yet you took my apology for granted, replying my messages twice a day.
Who do you think you are, seriously?

We may have been friends for more than 2 years but that so doesn't give you the right to treat me in any way you want to.
I'm a human being, I have feelings that can be hurt too.
If I hurt you that night, I've already apologised, what more do you want from me?
It's human to have out bursts some times and you can't hold the full blame on me though I admit it was my fault taking it out on you.
But don't you think dragging this on for 3 days is far too ridiculous already?

Today I messaged you asking you how come you didn't call me last night for you usually call me when you reached home.
You replied saying you reached home quite late so you didn't call.
I replied asking you if you were going out today.
You replied "I'm already outside"
I asked why were you treating me so cold.
That was around 3 in the afternoon and you only replied me at 1924 with a "I message you tomorrow, sorry."

Honestly, what am I supposed to say right now?
I'm at a lost for words.
I'm wondering if this is goodbye to the friendship like we've done so so many times before.
But this time was different from all the rest.
I'll never understand you.

All I know right now is that if this is the way you're going to treat me, I won't be caring any longer.
Two can play this game.
Fighting fire with fire may be the only way to put out the blaze, so if you started playing first, be prepared to continue playing the game with me and I won't give in.
You started it, so don't back down 'til you lose