Just fuck off.

I'm going to rant so if you're not interested, just go away.

I've no idea what to do right now and it's irritating the hell out of me. I fucking do not want to care about this anymore but why do people keep forcing me to think about it again and again? I just fucking want to forget it ok. Seriously, why can't you all just stop forcing me for an answer and just accept the fact that I do not have a fucking answer? If I had one, I would have given it to you long ago. My prelims are in a matter of weeks and my Os in a matter of months. I fucking need a peace of mind to study and can't you people just fucking understand that I do not wish to be bothered by matters that aren't as important as my studies? Every day I'm bothered by things that I wish to put aside. If you all loved me, just stop talking about it. I just want to ignore all matters of the heart and put my concentration on my studies. Is that really too much to ask for? I'm panicking ok? I know that's hard to believe but I bloody am. There's so much I do not know and I've got to cram and mug like a nut now. You people are not making matters easier for me. I just want time with my books and not problems about why I'm so cold towards who and why am I so bo chup about this and that. All this can fucking wait until after my Os. If y'all really love me so much, what does waiting a few months until I'm done with my exams matter? Can't you see that I'm fucking stressed and instead of helping me, you add fuel to the fire. I'm getting way short tempered for my own good and you people don't bother to find out why. It's bloody cuz you people keep pestering me with your insecurities and fucking piss me off everytime. There's nothing you fucking people can do but just leave me free of all this dumb problems. You can't teach me and certainly can't study for me. So do me a favour and fucking stop all your nonsense. If you want to leave, just go. I've no time to stop you. Don't go and use all your tricks of reverse psychology on me cuz I'll fucking bite your head off. If you want me to know something just fucking tell me instead of beating around the bush cuz I won't be bothered to ask what's going on in your life. I've enough going on in mind thank you very much. I hate it when there's obviously something going on and I care enough to ask what is bloody going on and then that person says "no la nothing" even though there bloody is something going on. I know I do that a lot of times but that's cuz I don't bloody want to say out what is going on in my life or my mind. So if you ask once and I say it's nothing, you ask again and I say it's nothing, then fucking accept the fact that I don't wish to say it out. But if I ask you what happened for twice and you don't say, then jolly well keep it to yourself and don't say after a while, "actually..." I'm not interested to find out anymore. You said nothing and I'll just take it as it's really nothing. If it's something that was really bothering you so much, you would have said it out the first time I asked. I'm so fucking pissed off right now that if anyone bloody talks to me, I'll fucking show my attitude regardless who that person is. If you're even bothering to find out why I'm so fucking pissed off, it's cuz everytime I care about these matters of the heart, I get fucking scared and insecure myself, not to mention hurt. So I try not to care about it, put it out of thought out of sight and out of touch so that I will not be affected by them anymore, at least for the time being. But then, when I start getting bo chup, people ask me why am I bo chup. Why am I cold. Why am I not caring. Why am I like that like every thing's my bloody fault. Maybe it fucking is. It's my fault for getting involved in the first place but what can I do now? I just want to be sane enough th focus on my studies now and not care about things that will fucking affect me and my sanity. So is it that hard to just be friends with me for now and we'll talk about the rest after my Os? I know it isn't so please, if you really want to help me, all you can do is just be a friend and leave me alone when I'm studying. When I'm free, I'll reply messages/calls and whatever you people leave to let me know that I'm supposed to contact you back about. But don't flood me with miss calls and what not, I don't have the patience nor the time for it. To reiliterate an important point, when I say I don't want to talk about it, I fucking mean it. So don't keep asking what happened. If I wanted to say it out, I would have the second time you asked. So if I just said nothing, fucking accept it as nothing for I'm not going to tell you what happened. I like to think things through in my mind and I'll only approach another for advice when I want to. So if you bloody offer your advice before I ask for it, prepare to have me bite your head off and ignore your advice. Don't say I'm an ingrate for I didn't ask for it. You offered it willingly even though I didn't want it. I have the right to whether I want to listen to it or not and I chose not to. So live with it.

I've had enough, it's back to the books for me now.