(Act) knowitalls, fuck off.

I honestly don't understand why does it shock every one that I'm not good in Chinese? Or even when I say that I suck in the above-stated language, every one just rolls their eyes and go "Ya right..." in a mad sarcastic tone.

Excuse me? Am I a better judge at my language abilities or are you?

I've been living in my body for coming close to 18 years (Yay, finally legal) and I am perfectly aware of how good I am at the Chinese language. So who are you to tell me what I am good at or what I am not? Have you been living and breathing the same space and air as I have? Have you been stalking me 24/7 to actually see me converse in Chinese or what not?

NO. You have not.

So quit being a smart alec!!!! You do not know what I can or cannot do ok!

I am perfectly clear that being a Chinese living in Singapore which is like 74% Chinese, I should be ashamed of not being able to read/write (properly) or understand Chinese. But so what? Chinese has never been my strong suit, not since Primary school when everyone could score 100/100 if they bother to even try.

Yes, Chinese was THAT easy back then.

But if you take a look at my results for Chinese starting in Secondary school, you'll realize that I have been struggling just to stay in Higher Mother Tongue. (I took HMT, big fuck?)

Any one who took HMT in Primary school is like (almost) automatically admitted in HMT in Secondary school, whether you like it or not. I know cuz I was admitted into it without choice in Secondary 1, and boy did I suffer.

Imagine hating the language profusely but having to stick with it for 6 years, (I took it since Primary 5) cuz everyone said that it'll be better for my future, will enable me to get into a better Secondary/Junior College, yadda yadda. All true, I know, but even though it WAS better for my future, it sure as hell made the present (past) truly miserable for me.

I had to stay back an additional half an hour every week while express Chinese students got to head home earlier, and that is not inclusive of remedials and extra lessons. Not to mention leaving later during tests and examinations as well, cuz we had an extra component in out paper, thus, being released 30 minutes later as well. Tell me, how thankful will you be? Moreover, the requirements in your compositions are way stricter, cuz duh, HMT? You're expected to be better at the subject, thus, the higher expectations and stricter marking.

Do you know how tempted I was to just drop the subject once I reached Secondary school? And I'm not even talking about Primary school here ok? I was miserable, period!

I barely handed up any assignments I was required to do, and those that I DID hand up, was returned with poor marks, like fail that type ok. Moreover, my teachers were always asking me to reconsider dropping to express Chinese to put myself out of misery. So all you people who think that my Chinese must be good just cuz

(a) I'm a Chinese from birth.

(b) I took HMT.

You can just STFU and disappear from my life!!! Don't be fucking stereotypes! It's like saying all blonds are dumb and other people (with a different colour hair) are not. Fuck you! So if Einstein dyed his hair blond, will he be labelled dumb? Or are you just going to argue with me that dyed hair is different???

But I'm digressing, so let's go back to the main topic here. Now where was I... Oh yes, Chinese.

If you've seen me in school this year, you'll truly understand how much I suck at Chinese. I haven't even written anything Chinese this year (and that includes my Chinese name). I have no reason to, nor the interest to do so. Why should I need to write my Chinese name (or anything else for that matter) on, say, my Economics composition??? No link, wouldn't you agree with me?

So yes, I can't read Chinese that well, nor write, nor understand that. So shut up already and believe it.

I would totally continue reading stuff in Chinese if the language actually interests me or the text interests me. But sadly, nothing written in Chinese does.

The closest I got to reading something Chinese was during the period of time when I was working for Popular at the Book fest 2009 and I was stuck in the Literature department with no one I knew working in it.

(For all those slow people, R, HY, HP, and J were working with me there in the Chinese department. Ironic right? But I manage to smuggle my way through the test with my minute recognition of Chinese words. Muahahaha.)

I had nothing to do so I totally stood at the tables, pretended I was busy packing books while I started to read through P/S: I love you, Chinese version. I read like 2 pages tops and that's about all the Chinese I've read in 2009. Pathetic, no? But it's the stone cold truth.

I would totally love to be better at this language but the thing is that I just can't grasp it at all. No, this is not a joke. Like for example, when doing the Comprehension part in the paper, I read and reread the compre like 3/4 times minimum trying to understand what the hell all the words mean, but I'm sorry, I just don't understand. Besides the main gist of the whole passage, I barely get anything else.

So guess how I answer the questions. C'mon, just guess.

Forget it, let me tell you. I just look at the question and try to spot if any of the words (in the question) appear in the passage, then I just copy the whole goddamn chunk into the space for the answer. Don't believe, I can show you my answer scripts if I have any of them. But sadly, I threw all away, what for remind myself of how much I suck in Chinese?

However, before all you idiots start to laugh at me, at least I know I can converse in Chinese. It may not be perfect or have all those chim 4 words phrases (what do you call them?) or what not but at least I have left my weird-sounding-accent-when-speaking-Chinese behind since like Secondary 3?

I still remember one of my ex telling his mum (when I attempt to answer her questions in Chinese) that I "jia gan dang zhang da". Which translates to I eat potatoes as I grow up.

And if you don't understand the relevance, its cuz you know ang mohs usually have a potato based diet? Unlike Chinese who usually eat rice... Oh wait, I thought ang mohs ate bread -.- Ok whatever but I think you get it. Basically, he was saying that I am too English speaking that's why I have a weird accent when I speak Chinese! Damn. But at least that's gone.

Ok, I've come to the end of my ranting.

So the next time I hear people saying that I'm lying when I say I'm not good in Chinese, well, fuck you. You think you know me so well? Guess again, you do NOT.

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On another note, school's starting on Monday. Fuck. Block test starts next, next Monday. Double fuck. I've not studied and quick, tell me HOW NOW, BROWN COW :(

I don't want to fail my block test!!! I want to at least achieve a pass but at the rate I'm studying, I will NOT achieve a pass, confirm all 'U'. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I know I have to start studying, like hard core, but I'm just not in the mood too! I keep coming online and do stupid stuff that is honestly a waste of time but I just can't seem to stop.

Save me.

:< :< :<