#963

Maybe it's because I spent the whole day outside, with a gathering as well as work afterwards. But it's nights like these when I'm alone that my mind starts wandering around and I tend to dwell on thoughts that I usually would not indulge in.

I wouldn't say I am an optimistic person with a cheerful disposition but I know I try my best to portray that image to the people around me. A rare few, though, have the privilege (or misfortune) to see me when I'm at my most vulnerable, when I'm clothed in my insecurities.

Tonight, I can't help but think how things have changed, how we start taking the people around us for granted and we just don't bother to put in as much effort as before in our relationships with the people around us. At the start, everything is always worth it, a 3-4 hour journey just to spend 2-3 hours together used to be the legit thing to do, the "duh" thing like it's expected. At the start, we would go to hell and back just to be with one another. But over time, things start changing and we start giving excuses to not do whatever we used to do in a heartbeat.

I'm not pointing fingers and saying who has changed because everyone does. The only thing that doesn't change, is change. But I really yearn for the days at the start when everything was so much simpler, when we cared more, when what we had mattered more than it did now. I miss the "honeymoon" period of every relationship 'cuz that's when everything's so sweet. We may not have known each other as well as we do now but at least we had the passion back then to love freely and give freely. Now, we're slowly covered in wounds and our reservations are stronger and the passion we have, it's slowly burning out.

People say that the love in relationships never lasts, and over time, it's the other things that hold the relationship together. Like history, like common goals, like stuff that do not include passion and love and fireworks and I always feel so sad when I hear stuff like that even though I know the truth in it. But who's to say I don't want all those happy firework-y stuff to last forever?

I know I may not be making sense to most people out there but to the few that are in the same situation as me, I'm pretty sure all of you understand what I'm going through.

Don't mistake and think I'm unhappy in my relationship. I'm not. It's just that at this moment in time, I'm probably feeling too tired and thinking too much to the negative side. I rarely, if ever, blog about unhappy stuff but this is one of those moments when I really need to get my negative thoughts off my chest and so I thought I'll do it here.

I hold dear every thing that has happened and I embrace every challenge that we have because at the end of it, it makes us stronger and more bonded as one. But just some times, I wish it was all simpler.