#918

So someone asked me this on formspring and it's a question which A LOT of people have asked me over the years so I thought I'd do a blog post to answer this question.

Having a boyfriend in army is never an easy thing.

For one thing, imagine really needing someone to be there for you but he's unable to do so because firstly, he's not there physically, he's in camp. And secondly, even if you want to talk to him or even text him, he may not be free or able to reply. 

It's a constant fight for us girlfriends when it feels it's us against army and we ALWAYS lose out.

It gets really tiring as well because whenever my friends have triple dates during weekdays, I'm always the odd-one-out because their boyfriends aren't in NS and mine is. 

It gets lonely especially when you see other couples outside with their other half with them and you're alone because your bf is stuck in camp.

I've quarreled with my boyfriend(s) time after time because of how sick and tired I am of being the one outside alone, and it did get to the point when it literally felt like I'm single 5 days a week and only attached on 2.

Honestly, most of these problems didn't happen when I'm with Wq (my current bf) maybe because I'm so used to the army-girlfriend-life already.

For the newer readers of my blog, I've been attached to army boys ever since I was.... 16, and even before that because a few guys I dated were in the army when I was still in secondary school. 

It honestly was a torture because when my first army boyfriend went into NS, it was after a 4 month period where we met EVERY. SINGLE. DAY without fail.

And when he booked in, he couldn't come out for 2 WEEKS.

On top of that, I didn't receive a single text from him during the day time and only at night, I'll be able to talk to him for 15-20 minutes. It was crazy.

Also, some guys get a bit crazy when they enlist and they become overly clingy and possessive all of a sudden! It's flattering at the start 'cuz they care so much about you to not want to lose you, but after a while, it's so tiresome.

BUT.

(Yes, there's a "but".)

There are actually good points that come out of having a bf in army. Shocking, I know right.

One good thing about having a bf in army is that you get to be independent in ways you never had to before. Like learning to stand on your own two feet and fight for yourself instead of always taking a step back and letting him do it for you.

You also learn to be stronger because you know you've got to rely on yourself because he won't be there to cushion all the blows for you.

More importantly (and more practically), you have more free time to yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my boyfriend and if I could, I would still meet him every single day. But some times, you need time to yourself, to spend with family, friends and most importantly, your books.

I always feel guilty whenever Wq's stuck at home with me 'cuz I've got to mug or I've got to do projects, I feel as though I'm wasting his time waiting around for me when he could be doing better and more productive stuff with what little time he has outside of camp.

I feel like I should go out with him, play games with him, spend time with him, even when he doesn't ask for it. He's spend countless hours waiting in school for me to end my lessons 'cuz he's free during the weekdays to send me to and fro from school. And he's spend so much time just sleeping at home 'cuz of my work load.

And he only has that 2 days a week out of camp, he shouldn't be spending this time just waiting for me to be done with my stuff. But he always does, he always waits for me. And it makes me feel so damn guilty that I'm so busy :'(

Another perk? Surprises.

My bf has been so sweet with surprising me time and time again whenever he gets to come out of camp for a few hours and he bikes all the way over to my place to surprise me with chocolates or my all-time-favourite Pudding Milk Tea from Cupwalker.

The feeling of getting a phone call and he goes mysteriously, "Are you wearing a red shirt?" and when I look up in shock, there he is, standing outside my place with the biggest grin on his face.

All this would be possible if he wasn't in army but it's all the more sweeter because I know he puts in so much effort just to bike all the way back (I stay in the North-East and his camp is all the way in the West) just to spend a few hours with me :')

Also, TGIF is so much more relevant for me.

Not only does Friday bring the relief of having 2 days off from school, it always means my loved one is coming back to my side.

What sweeter way to spend my off day then in the arms of my bf? It always makes me work harder during the week to "earn" my off days with the boy.

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So, in answer to the question, yes, I used to feel that I was suffering because I was with an army bf, but now? Not so much.

I enjoy the balance between the times I get to spend with him and the times when I'm alone with my work.

To all the army girlfriends out there, hang in there! It really isn't so hard and you do get perks from having the time off as well! (Also, don't get sick of your bf talking on and on about army stuff, that's all they have going on for them right now.)

Guys, learn to trust your girls, because if they're the real deal, they won't just leave you because you're stuck in camp, they'll stay and be there whenever you book out. And if they do leave you? They're honestly not worth it then.

For the couples going through the same thing as I am, you're not alone! I'm here with all the ups and downs any of you are facing, I've been there before (been with my ex through his enlistment all the way till his ORD) and I'm still going through it (with my current bf). Always remember that if you can survive this together, it'll definitely make the relationship stronger.